Writing an obituary while grieving is difficult because it asks you to make choices about a whole life at once. Start with the essentials, then make space for character: the habits, humour, loyalties, and ways of caring that made this person unmistakably themselves.
Begin with the information people need
A clear opening usually names the person, their age if you wish to include it, where and when they died, and the closest family members. Include service or donation details only when they are settled.
You do not have to publish everything. Consider privacy, safety, and the wishes of immediate family before sharing dates, addresses, or personal circumstances.
Choose the details that make a person present
After the facts, choose three or four things only they could have supplied: their way of welcoming people, the music they played too loudly, a favourite phrase, an act of steadiness, a small ritual.
Ask several people for one memory rather than asking them to ‘sum up’ a life. The resulting details often carry more feeling than a long list of achievements.
A simple obituary structure
Use this sequence: announcement; early life and the path they took; people and passions; what they gave to others; those who survive them; practical service information; a closing line or donation request.
Write the first draft without worrying about length. Then check the publication’s word count and fees, and create a shorter death notice if needed. Keep the longer version in the family archive.
Let the family approve it
Send the draft to one or two trusted people rather than a large group. Ask them to check names, dates, and anything that may feel too private. A short deadline can help the group make decisions gently.
Keep an audio recording of people reading or adding memories to the obituary. The published notice tells people a life ended; the voices around it can help preserve how that life felt.
Questions people ask
What is the difference between an obituary and a death notice?
A death notice is usually brief practical information about a death and service. An obituary is a fuller account of a person’s life, character, and relationships.
What should not be included in an obituary?
Avoid details that create privacy or safety risks, unresolved family disputes, or information the person would not have wanted public. Check facts and obtain family agreement.
Sources and guidance
We use practical guidance from oral-history and digital-preservation organisations when creating these resources. These links are a good next step for anyone creating a more formal public or archival project.